dear department chair, why did you ask me to speak with the incoming students about comprehensive exams?   we both know that i basically failed mine.   the 8:30 p.m. e-mail followed by panicked 9:30 a.m. phone call (upon non-response) smacks of departmental bitch – i am sorry- research assistant.  just say it nicely – i was the easy and available option because you didn’t prep your class until late last night.

dear david’s bridal,  is it your mission to make fat people in life look horrid at every wedding they stand up in.  and no- i am not fat- i wear a size 4.  but i have been in one-to-many ugly bridesmaid dresses designed by your store.  seriously, fluffy ruffles on the hips help no one.  and while i am at it; let’s discuss the color selection.  rose petal pink looks like puking pepto bismol pink.  i mean we all know the  point of the show is to make the bride look good; but do the rest of us need to look like pudgy pink pears?